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from tumblr: trying something new

April 17, 2010

the saturday mornings i forget to drink my coffee after i pour it are always the saturday mornings i get lost on tumblr reading the archives of my favorite tumblrs thinking to myself “ohmygod there are people out there like me” and i’m pretty sure that the reason nothing in my life right now seems to fit properly – it’s really that experience when you go into a dressing room and put on that shirt that looked great on the rack but doesn’t look so great on your rack (probably because yours is nearly non-existent) – is because i do not BELONG here.  (hit “repeat” on this realization.)

no matter how pretty and interesting and patterned and in some ways prestigious (kinda?) this place (and my almost-life here) is, it does not fit.  it looks great on the rack.  it looks amazing on somebody else.  so great that sometimes i’m jealous of how good life here looks on them and damn how good it looks on the pages of a glossy magazine but  why-oh-why doesn’t fit me.  ugh.

so i opted out a while ago, i know this, and sometimes i am so sorry for just checking out of this place, but i had to do it you see, because it was my first step in saying, “yeah, i don’t think this is a good fit”.  it doesn’t mean that i don’t love it.  that i don’t love you in it.  that i don’t love you.  because i do.  love you.  so much.  but i’m naked right now, trying to find what fits, because i know, i know, i know, that something out there is a better fit. and i had to opt out first.

so i’m sitting here on a rainy saturday morning recovering from a hectic four weeks that, hell, come off of such a hectic four years that they actually make the last four weeks look mild, and that are ever so slowly coming to an end with a much anticipated transition to follow, flipping through the tumblr archives of someone that you probably know because she is kinda the face of a mid-twentysomething female tumblr figuring out where she fits in this world – thankgod i am not alone – who i think has at least a few of the life pieces that would fit me well too, (or, who knows, maybe i am totally wrong in that description because i’m newish to tumblr and kind of a lurker but i think i want to change that and yes, maybe that is what this is a little bit about too) so imagine my shock followed immediately by OF COURSE when I took a sip of my coffee and it was ice cold.

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